apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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