It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
