Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
