you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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