How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
