She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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