from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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