census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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