69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
