I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize