thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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