I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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