so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
