Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
