He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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