I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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