you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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