she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
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Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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