It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
