I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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