ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
