I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
