I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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