did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
