I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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