I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
