i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
