dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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