I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
