I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
