Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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