Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
