im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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