If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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