____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
