Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
