I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
