i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we're making bets on your personal life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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