I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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