hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
