How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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