god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
