I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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