So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize