Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
