Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
