1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
