i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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