I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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