dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
