i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
