We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
