she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
