No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
