Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
