I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
