operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
