his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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