We got so high we made milksteak
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
